“The koala [Phascolarctos cinereus] is an arboreal herbivorous marsupial native to Australia, and the only extant representative of the family Phascolarctidae. It is found in coastal regions of eastern and southern Australia. It is not found in Tasmania or Western Australia.”—Wikipedia
The koala, Your Honors, is not a bear. It is a tree-dwelling plant-eating marsupial.
What is a marsupial? A marsupial, according to my laptop dictionary, “is a mammal of an order whose members are born incompletely developed and are typically carried and suckled in a pouch on the mother’s belly.” Marsupials, adds Wikipedia, are “the dominant group of mammals in Australia, though there are also a number of species found in the Americas, as well as on the island of New Guinea.”
There is no mention anywhere that koalas are native to the Philippines, so it was quite astonishing to see one talking in Pilipino.
The discovery of a talking koala is comparable to the discovery that planets revolve around the sun. One can only imagine the consequences of such a discovery on scientific knowledge, morality, philosophy and theology.
Sadly, but not in the least bit surprising, members of the House of Representatives and commissioners of the election body ignored the earth-shaking significance of the event they saw on video. They went straight to arguing over and debunking the koala’s credibility, as if a talking koala were as normal as a 40-percent kickback on projects funded by pork barrel.
“He’s wearing a mask. Take it off!”
“He is not wearing one, Your Honor.”
“His exposé is based on hearsay!”
“From other koalas, Your Honor?”
“His story is illogical!”
“Is it not enough that a marsupial can utter words and connect them into sentences and paragraphs, Your Honor?”
Maybe I’m making too much of a talking koala. After all, the Philippines is an enchanted kingdom where crocodiles deliver speeches and address each other with honorifics. Maybe I should just play along.
The koala said vice-presidential candidate Jejomar Binay paid him and his koalahorts over a billion pesos to shave votes from other candidates to ensure his and Noynoy Aquino’s victory.
“Si Legarda, wala namang pera iyon eh, pero malaki ang nabawas sa boto sa kanya. More or less 4 to 5 million. [Legarda, she had no money anyway, lost a lot of votes, more or less 4 to 5 million]…. 5 or 6 million ang nabawas kay Gibo [Teodoro]. Kay Eddie [Villa-nueva], almost 2 to 3 million. Si Erap [Estrada], 4 million yata. [5 or 6 million were deducted from Gibo. Eddie lost almost 2 to 3 million. Erap, about 4 million].”
Granting, for the sake of argument, that Binay had the motive and the means to do it, why didn’t he ask the koalasortium to deduct votes from Villar and Roxas? Why would Binay pay over a billion pesos for Noynoy Aquino to win by over 5 million votes while his margin over Roxas is less than a million? Wouldn’t it have made more sense to do it the other way around? Why would Binay buy a win for Noynoy, when he could just as easily have bought it for his running mate Erap?
I don’t know the answers to those questions, I don’t know why the koala said those things, I didn’t even know a koala could speak, all I can say is the only one who has all the answers is his mother, the female who carried and suckled him in her belly pouch.
Popularity: 1% [?]
Jamby?
The one who called Garci.
Yung may nunal sa ilong?
Anak ng koala, kala ko tasmanian yun.
at may breast implant.
supremo,
A koa la ko naman, si Teddy Boy ay ng sa-suckle pa sa isang may breast implant. Ganun pala siya…!
ang karamihan ng ingay ay galing sa “mga kawawa” bears.
you mean, baycas, “koalosers”?
oo, bert, kwalang magawa ang mga ‘yan!!!
And moreover, if you, Koala Boy, have already been paid 1 billion pesos, someone must have paid you more to squeal. Unless you are a sadomasochist and you are doing this out of spite.
But that also means the party you shafted and would be out to get you because presumably, before they parted with 1 billion pesos for your services, they would have vetted you and looked at your CV to see if you have the intellect or technical skill to carry our a synchronised attack on an encrypted wireless transmission..
But, knowing the mental calibre of most politicos, maybe they indeed handed their money to a masked man…in this case Koala Boy wins.
He said he wasn’t paid, that’s why he came out.
Even more of an idiot.
Which implies he doesn’t have the brain matter to hack an encrypted system.
He should have learnt from ABS-CBN and GMA who only accept cash upfront for ads.
koalahorts, ahahahahaha,
koalasortium, chuckle snort wheeze,
thanks for the morning wake-up laugh and touch of calm in the koalachaos.
Joe
A most refreshing post this is!!!
And I found on google: koalition
This koalanguage is contagious…
Such a koalapalooza of a blog post.
Or…is this latest MB post a koalog?
Koala Bear’s “fantasy” could easily be disproved. His scenario that included blocking cellular signals is simply ridiculous. I wonder why the committee headed by Locsin didn’t ask IT experts to demonstrate if such a scenario is even possible, demonstrate if technically possible today and explain even in the realms of the theoretical the possibility of such a technology existing. In my Googling, I only found one way of cheating the PCOS: by re-programming the cards. Cheating in this way can also be proven by looking at program imprints in the cards themselves. I think may trace yan kung na-reprogram nga. There’s also cheating in another way, of course, by pre-filled ballots. I still do not understand the time stamp issue that made Teddy Boy blew up.
Koala Bear’s “fantasy” could easily be disproved. His scenario that included blocking cellular signals is simply ridiculous. I wonder why the committee headed by Locsin didn’t ask IT experts to demonstrate if such a scenario is even possible, demonstrate if technically possible today and explain even in the realms of the theoretical the possibility of such a technology existing. In my Googling, I only found one way of cheating the PCOS: by re-programming the cards. Cheating in this way can also be proven by looking at program imprints in the cards themselves. I think may trace yan kung na-reprogram nga. There’s also cheating in another way, of course, by pre-filled ballots. I still do not understand the time stamp issue that made Teddy Boy blew up.
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Sorry, had to change my email. I’m using my colleague’s PC. Please do not post the other one.
BB,
what about the mobile phone jammer or the mobile signal blocker?
it costs more than a hundred dollars here in the US.
i think it works only on a limited
range.
You can only jam areas. Koala bear said he blocked signals. Jamming an area is not even practical as people would notice if you do this massively.
As a former ECE, I can tell you that a jammer required to jam a 100m diameter area is the size of a truck. Try hiding that.
Jammers run on the same basic physics of transmitters – the inverse square law.
The Locsin committee should try to eliminate stupid claims first and focus on possible scenarios. That woman today who has technical knowledge of the specific technology involved offered to demonstrate during the hearing. Locsin kept pointing out the scientific approach without once suggesting they actually investigate scientifically, which should include controlled experiments that will prove or disprove the feasibility of cheating.
Koala Bear’s story is really so easy to dismiss, but one must do it officially, taking nothing for granted, especially the gullibility of the Filipino people. I think the process described by the marsupial is improbable, may three minute window pa daw. Imagine how precise and well-coordinarted they would have to be. The sending of results do not have official schedules and are individually sent by precincts.
@brianb
amen to eliminating stupid claims.
Hesuus marsupyalsep!
Anong klase na naman koalanghiyaan ang mga ‘to?
Great job MB. u made me laugh!
Hesuus marsupyalsep!
Anong klase na naman koalanghiyan ang mga ‘to?
Great job MB. u made me laugh!
Ginugulo lang iyan, at alam naman natin kung bakit. Kung hindi makuha sa “failure of election”, baka sakali sa “failure of proclamation”. Ang pandadayang gamit ang “flash card” ay hindi imposible, pero napakahirap gawin, at kailangan ang kooperasyon ng mga dating sumulat ng programa at libu-libong BEIs. Ang paggawa ng mga isang maselang “computer program” katulad ng “Automated Election System (AES)” ay hindi nakatalaga sa iisang tao lamang, ikinakalat sa marami, at nakatabi sa iba’t ibang taguan, para walang isang tao ang may total kontrol ng source code. Lalo namang mas mahirap kung galing sa wala, o “built from scratch” ang “cheating program” Maaring makalkal ang “data structures” at sumulat ng bagong “SQL statements” para maisalansan ang mga boto, pero para kang susuot sa butas ng karayom para malusutan ang security pass sa firmware at software, para tumakbo ang programang gawa mo. At sa libu-long BEIs at PCOS machines, kataka-taka na wala ni isa man ang nagreklamo na tinutukan sila, o binayaran ng isang di-kilalang mukhang koala na palitan ang kanilang flash card at ipasok ang kanilang password.
We have to learn from our mistakes. Let those who “won” serve. It is useless to argue, that Candidates cheated. Filipinos cheat, if they can cheat. It will be hard to prove. We have no concrete evidence that the Machines were tampered. Sure, they can be tampered. However, let us work together to us assure that the next elections will not be a repeat of the chaos of this election. We work together to make things better, and move on…
mario cruz,
Ditto…!
what if the “cheat” wins?…koala nila malinis….yun pala nandaya…imagine that…walang piang-iba kay GMA yan…puro utang na loob system na naman yan…utang na loob means money…blood money!
Huwag lang sanang itataas ang VAT.
Ngayon, kung gumawa ng isang milyong trabaho sa Pilipinas para mabawasan na itong patakbong kailangang umalis ng bansa para magkatrabaho, mas magaling iyon. Trabaho. Trabaho ang kailangan ng bansang Pilipinas.
Dear MB,
Good article. Refreshing in this time of confusion. But when one comes down to the realities of the hearings, you are right in asking just how gullible our congressmen and senators are.
Worse, however, are media. They’ve inflated and expanded the issue over their level of understanding if only to sell airtime and newspapers.
Articles like yours are much needed to provide not just a refreshment break but also, when one reads between the lines, a sobering aspect, much like a cup of java after a long night of drinking.
Good show, MB.
Regards,
Dean
Or a beer after a morning imbibing Starbucks . . .
I don’t know any more which thread to post in. I hope this one is a propos.
This is turning into another Congressional Circus.
Just as Pinas was hitting a high note. Credible elections, smooth trasnition of power, positive economic outlook…..
The sad part is that the overwhelming odds are that the automated elections were actually highly accurate and successful. All of this drama — just as we’ve posted a 7%+ GDP for Q1!!! — is once again self-defeating.
Screeching wins. Again and again.
I give up.
A problem is that the incoming administration — NOYNOY — remains paranoid. There was the “No-EL”, the cheating-via-Smartmatic/PCOS, and through two days ago Noynoy harping on “NO PROCLAMATION” Plots.
boom boom boom
another one bites the dust . . .
Dean de la Paz:
Congressmen and Senators are mostly Politicians. They don’t know about Computer Technology. I still cannot understand why SMARTMATIC Design of the Computer Hardware is SEPARATED from the Main Hardware. I believe the MOTHERBOARD should be REDESIGNED. Making all Parts wholely INTEGRATED. Please consult knowledgeable people on this issue. Using an ADAPTER type of Computer Hardware to insert it, to make the PCDOS or the EXECXUTABLE files work; is STRANGE. We can work together, to make the Voting System work. Please pitch in: Filipino Bayanihan style…
“Wala kang maasahang sa mga KUMAG na ito…Panay daldal!”
Believe me voting machines attach to a network is not a good thing.
Dear Mario,
I agree with you. Here’s a paraphrase of something I wrote to a group of people who meet regularly at “talakayans”.
When they wasted our time debating the meaning and significance of digital signatures, those morons on the hill ascribed to the term “signature” the same as that when they use signatures to attest to document content and veracity. That is strange since they are the same that passed the automation law. Now, as they convene, not as legislators, but as canvassers, they are revisiting their own ignorance and ascribed to the term signature its non-technical definition.
Tama ka. Bobo talaga. The term digital signature is jargon that their single-cell brains cannot quite comprehend despite passing the law previously.
It is sad but apropos that they are now wasting even more precious time debating on top of a hill that used to be (and still is in a sense) a huge garbage dump.
Regards,
Dean
Here’s a non-technical definition of “digital signature”:
http://www.youdzone.com/signature.html
Dear Macapili,
LOL.
That was a good one. Kaso I think our legislators will need a few more pictures. there are words in there that are at least five or more letters long. Baka hindi nila maintindihan.
Dean
This is the result of people voting the candidates in offices because:
1. They are good looking. Can act in movies well.
2. They give “good speeches” with no sense.
3. They use voting gimmicks like: fake mustaches; wristbands with their enticing slogans; and their portrait toys, with waving hands.
I have’nt seen such nonsense. Using such gimmicks to delude voters. The gimmicks have nothing to do with good governance.
So, these “bobos” can debate about Computer Technology, until the white of their eyes will appear. We, the concerned citizen can pitch in to solve the problems of election cheating, without these ignoramuses.
Yes, Mario,
But this condition is not restricted to Filipinos, and was perfected in that great bastion of commercialized know-how to the east in the Western Hemisphere. We live in a world of deceits and reality show wisdom, and our whiz bang electronic communication tools allow the spread of distortional chaff like so much tossed wheat flying with the wind. We can only hope there are enough rational people with good intent among the hordes of cheaters to keep the ship from listing past the tilt point.
I blame attorneys and whoever invented television. Bill Gates, on the other hand, wears angels wings. . .
Dunno how I got from wheat to ships . . . MB understands . . .
Joe
I love this one!
back to the elections, apparently there are 2M+ ballots that are considered Null votes.
http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/inquirerheadlines/nation/view/20100603-273530/Roxas-insists-on-null-votes
this is the problem if u let voters vote once. you can see that this would happen a mile away.
unfortunately, from the rules, null votes are treated as if the voter hadnt voted. too bad mar…