I kind of feel awful for being what benign0 calls an “average Filipino schmoe.” It’s not that I am helpless to change the Philippines for the better, but more like I can’t help victims of a disaster. I think about it, and it’s more like I represent another big fraction of Filipino society: chumps. People who try to do something, but it’s not enough. People who want to do their share, but it still doesn’t do a trickle to change the way things are. People who raise a hand up, and instead end up wondering what a difference that can do.

Take the recent disaster caused by Typhoon Frank. When you get paid enough for your basic necessities, your needs, and the occasional whim, you figure that all the “difference” you can make is buying sampaguita from a kid. That’s it. The last good deed I ever did was when a little boy at Philcoa tugged at my shirt, asking me if he can have my last two pieces of siomai. And this was a week ago. I wonder, did the state of the economy ever change with a few strands of sampaguita and two pieces of siomai?

Raised exponentially – that is to say, to the thousands whose lives were forever destroyed by an erratic typhoon – you kind of get taken aback with a few canned goods and some spare change you leave at a gas station. What does that do? Did the state of disaster response and prevention ever change when you see at least one old woman pass by a Shell station and give a small portion of her NFA ration to the relief effort?

The sight of that made me realize that I’m not a cynic. I just feel awful.

I guess the reason why I feel awful is that simple things like these simply do not add up, no matter how much one tries to be generous. It is often the case in the Philippines that the poor do give more, and the rich give less. Not that I have anything against rich people, but you don’t see a lot of people forgoing a frappe at Starbucks for the sake of adding up to the relief effort, or to help alleviate the misery and malaise we experience as a society. You see kids asking for spare food, and old women giving up food. And then there are news reports. Seven hours into work, you still can’t get it out of your head.

To me, at least, now is not the time to go after the Sulpicio Lines owners, strap them to the stocks and pillory, and throw rotten tomatoes at them before they get hanged publicly for making the bingo. There will always be time for the scathing rage that comes from the indignation following a tragedy. There will always be time to accuse. I still believe in the inherent goodness of people to add up to donations, to help out in whatever way they can.

Then again, what good does that do? Systemic change?

What about a few packs of instant noodles in the donation box? What about a meal for the hungry? Isn’t that change too?

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