Paternity uncertainty and the financial “crisis”

As if the problem of catching up with the need to employ at least 1.5 million Filipinos being added to the labour force every year was already an insurmountable challenge in itself (given the inherent inability of Pinoys to create employment-generating capital indigenously), there is the other whammy now hitting our fortunes with the disappearance of demand for Filipino labour now being felt.

There is a third whammy as well: the possible effect penniless idle returning OFW’s might have on the already galloping birthrate of the Philippines.

Something called the paternity uncertainty principle — i.e., females are certain of their maternal relationship with their offspring but males are not — comes into play. As such males evolved to instinctively make use of two classes of measures to reduce their risk of investing in genetically-unrelated offspring: (a) use of proxies to ascertain probability of paternity (such as physical resemblance) and (b) use of measures to enhance competitiveness of one’s ability to inseminate.

The latter (b) is the more interesting concept:

Baker and Bellis studied couples in committed, sexual relationships and reported that, consistent with sperm-competition theory, when copulating with their partner men inseminate more sperm when the risk of sperm competition is high. Specifically, controlling for the time since last ejaculation, they documented a large positive correlation between the number of sperm ejaculated and the proportion of time a couple has spent apart since their last copulation.

[my boldface]

Thus further research…

[...] documented a positive relationship between the proportion of time a couple has spent apart since their last copulation and, for example, men’s ratings of their partner’s sexual attractiveness and men’s ratings of their interest in copulating with their partner.

The probability of female infidelity is greatest over a prolonged absence of her primary partner. Therefore the male partner usually returns literally with a bang on the first night after a long absence. ;) The evolutionary objective underpinning this inclination is (to cite the clinical term) semen displacement using an arsenal of enhanced ejaculate volumes, more vigorous intercourse, and heightened attraction in case remnant competing seeds from a possible sexual transgression on the female’s part during his absence remains in the system over the first 48 or so hours of return.

Ain’t nature beautiful?

To be fair, this syndrome is relevant even among employed OFWs who return to the nest every several months or so for some boom-boom R&R. A really potent bang every six- to eight-months or so, to say the least translates to, say, five kids over a six- to eight-year OFW stint.

Indeed, katas ng Saudi apparently does not apply only to jeepneys (the entrepeneurial venture of choice of Da Pinoy).

But then we now find ourselves at the start of what is likely going to be a deep recession faced with a potential swell in demand for prime real estate along Da Riles and an army of laid off workers coming out of the airport, their Semen Displacement Arsenal locked and loaded.

Talk about welcoming the New Year with a bang — to the tune of 500,000 enemployed OFWs by conservative estimates! The ocho-ocho solutions I proposed earlier, admittedly, may not be too effective under such circumstances. We may need to consider the following solutions to avert a possible mini baby-boom already brewing in our already overpopulated country as I write this:

:D Distribution of free condoms at various international airports all over the country to returning OFWs.

:D A moratorium on train departures from Paco Station past 12 midnight so as not to awaken sleeping households along Da Riles.

:D Go tell our venerable men-in-robes what we really think about their holy pontifications about the matter.

Then again, what the hell.

Bahala na. ;)

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