Never give a sucker an even break.—W.C. Fields
I was telling my wife about a scam where someone hacks into your e-mail account and uses your identity to swindle money from your contacts.
“How?” she asked.
“With a sob story that ends with a request for an emergency loan,” I replied.
“Terrible,” she said.
“I got one recently,” I said. “And it was signed in my name.”
“Duh,” she remarked.
“I know,” I replied. “But I was so moved by the letter I immediately lent money to myself.”
And that’s how I explained where I got the money for Noynoy’s and Mar’s golf fundraiser. Needless to say, I got a black eye for it. But it was worth it. The fundraiser was fun—great company, delicious food, raffle prizes, yellow sports shirt and umbrella for free and, best of all, no long speeches.
The clubhouse has a great second-floor veranda overlooking the 9th and 18th greens. It’s equipped with native recliners that, on a breezy day, will do what a sleeping pill does, without the side effects. Unfortunately, recliners are not easy to carry around, unlike pills.
Anyway, I was shooting the breeze with one of the female organizers. We were both drifting in and out of breeze-induced sleepiness so I’m not sure about what comes next, a dream or nightmare reality?
“Fundraisers are fun,” I said.
“There’s one next weekend but I’m not going because it’s for Gibo,” she said.
“I understand,” I replied. But I felt compelled to explain why I was going, “The Commission on Elections said columnists have to be impartial.”
“I understand. Believe me, I do,” she said. She’s an old friend. She knows I’m a golf whore and that my idea of agrarian reform is to build more golf courses.
“I bought two tickets,” I continued. “I invited a golf buddy after my first choice turned me down but he also declined. He’s for Villar.”
“What was her excuse?” asked my veranda companion.
“She’s for virile young men.”
“Ouch!” she laughed.
A week later I went to Gibo’s fundraiser. The organizers invited a hundred players but only eight showed up, and one of them was for Gordon. So there were nine participants in all, if you include me, the impartial columnist in a yellow sports shirt.
“Same as the surveys, seven Gibo and one Gordon,” I quipped. No one laughed. “At least Gibo gained two since the last survey.” Not even a mercy chuckle. But I persisted, “The good news is Gloria and Mike will award the trophies, although they will be a bit late.” Someone smiled, finally.
We finished golfing, lunching, raffling and awarding, but still no Gloria and Mike. “A bit late” was turning into a long wait so I decided to leave. As I was saying good-bye I heard the familiar sound of ostentation and intimidation: ear-splitting “wangeoww-wangeoww-wangeoww.”
“They’re here,” I said, hurrying back to my seat.
I expected a rousing welcome for Gloria and Mike. Instead, they were met with stunned silence—well, not exactly; a busboy dropped a tray full of dishes; Gloria and Mike were wearing orange sports shirts and waving the thumb and forefinger V-sign.
Gloria was about to say something when I was startled by a loud voice. “Wake up, sir, it’s midnight and you’re the only one left in the club.” It was the manager.
Midnight is way, way, past my curfew. I was in big trouble with my wife. I had to think fast. And then I remembered the e-mail sob-story scam.
“Do you think it will work?” I asked the manager.
“Well, you don’t have too many options left,” he replied.
“You’re right, I’m dead already, anyway,” I said.
“I’ll help you,” he said. Male bonding is strongest in battered-husband-versus-abusive-wife situations.
He started writing. “Is this believable so far?” he asked. It was great fiction.
“I’m home free!” I exclaimed. “But don’t stop now, ask her to send money, too!”
Popularity: 1% [?]
Go for fundrisers!
How does the Noynoy campaign plan to neutralise the Manny Pacquiao factor? When he comes home after next week, surely the National Fist will be joining the hustings boosting Money’s ratings.
nashman,
manny pacquiao endorsed Team Unity on 2007. Team Unity got beat. Manny Pacquiao ran against Darlene Antonino in 2007 and she beat him black and blue. That’s why Pacquiao is now running for congress in another province. Manny Pacquiao’s movie was an entry in the Manila Film Festival, it came right after his last victorious fight, and it bombed in the box office.
What does that tell you?
It tells me people want to see him box, they don’t want him in politics or in showbiz. And yes they don’t mind him endorsing consumer products but is Manny Villar a consumer product yet?
true….that we can hope that he also has the kiss of death when it comes to politics.
(sometimes, it’s really heartwrenching to see an elite athlete like him standing next to that crook chavit singson.)
However, Noynoy seems to have FLATLINED. There’s the loyal 1/3rd of voters that is his but he is no longer converting and Erap is turning out to be a Ross Perot.
Nash,
Amusing parallel. I envision Erap and Ross Perot in a bar together, getting along famously. Frankly, it would be a fun party.
Joe
Right, boxers as legislators and housewives as presidents. Sure to get you productive excellence and progressive policies. Cousins as mayors, or brothers are better. Niece for CEO, what the hell. It is about ME, not my country’s productivity, not about finding the most capable candidate for the position.
Joe
Joe,
“boxers as legislators and housewives as presidents.”
There is nothing intrinsically wrong with that in the same way that slave-owners were capable of recognizing that “all men are created equal etc. etc.”
“Cousins as mayors, or brothers are better. Niece for CEO,…”
Again nothing is intrinsically wrong with that in the same way that some families like the Kennedys did their country proud.
It is about finding the most capable candidate for any position and that search starts with a character evaluation, a police clearance if you will, before looking at the rest of the resume.
I’d prefer someone who can analyze complex issues and come up with a plan that is tied to measurable standards.
Joe
Yes Joe but I’d make sure first that whoever that guy is won’t steal me blind. If I’m not mistaken the Celso de los Angeleses and Ken Lays and Bernie Madoffs of the world are people who are quite good at analyzing complex issues and coming up with plans tied to measurable standards, until they get caught. So first things first as the saying goes.
I believe the wise words of an old war veteran below.
“Between a fellow who is stupid and honest and one who is smart and crooked, I will take the first. I won’t get much out of him, but with that other guy I can’t keep what I’ve got.” – Lewis B, Hershey
Ronald Reagan was an actor. He turned out fairly ok.
Elite level athletes know hard work pays off….whether that translates to politics, we have few anecdotal evidence.
Still, all things being equal, I’d prefer an elite level athlete to a lawyer.
MB,
Yes, character than capability then intent.
Nash,
Regan earned his way to the top by first being governor of California, and prior to that, President of the Screen Actor’s Guild and maybe a few other productive jobs. He did not just walk from the stage to the White House. And he was a gifted people-person, and blessed with a good sense of things, a perceptiveness that is rare. And he was a superior delegator, an executive skill for sure. And maybe he was a tad lucky, that Russia cracked while he was in office, and he merely tossed the egg off the wall.
Joe
and administrative job (governor) is easier than a legislative one (senator).
so all our actors should go straight for the legislative and leave the administration of cities and provinces to the better ones. (hopefully not lawyers)
oops…i meant to say an administrative job is HARDER than a legislative job. (so reagan earned his chops)
Nash,
ahahahaha
Isn’t that the pits,
when your mind thinks one thing and your typewriter types absolutely 180 degrees the opposite?
I tell you, the mind-gremlins have control of the world.
We have been invaded from outer space by sophisticated parasites living inside our head and they are taking over,
one little thought at a time.
Out out damned spot . . .
Joe
it’s the lack of caffeine.
or an american plot to put psychoactive drugs in the water.
Dear Joe,
In your paragraph on Reagan, I noticed that if you transpose San Juan on California, change governor to mayor and apply the Motion Picture Welfare Fund in place of the Screen Actor’s Guild, you could have been describing Joseph Estrada. He’s also a great person-person and once you see him up on the screen, a charmer and a communicator.
Check out the quality of most of his cabinet men and you might see the best and the brightest there, Mar Roxas included.
Erap had a dark side though. It comes regularly between ten pm and ends in the wee hours of the morning.
Dean
BTW Joe,
Oh, on the perceptiveness part, I guess, indeed, Reagan had it. Erap’s was through colored-glass – the kind that tints liquor and beer bottles.
Dean
Much is oft said about Reagan being a movie star or an actor. But I do believe he never really did much to deserve the title of thespian. At the least he was a B actor and starred in mostly forgettable movies, though he played second roles to heavies like Errol Flynn. But he accomplished more and gained more fame doing things for his profession, representing them or playing host to their performances.
In hindsight remembrance having lived in California all this time, I find that his fine features and manners aside his overall likeability was his distinct ability to project the image of being one of the regular folks – always optimistic, steadfast patriotism of country, uncluttered lifestyle, not so bright intellectually (elites kept reminding us so and scoffed at this), etc. Maybe qualities acutely linked to his generation.
Does Erap fill this bill?
Partner Amadeo,
Reagan starred and was great in a movie called “King’s Road” i think where he played a wounded hero.
Erap’s persona was as a lovable rogue, medyo comical at times na walking tall figure in the way of Bufford Pusser. Nagagalit lamang kapag punong-puno na. Resilient and patient. Slow to burn. Very Pinoy.
I’ve had several meetings with Erap and those characteristics were evident in his real life as well.
Iba kay Dutch Reagan, na folksy, gee-williekers, gosh and by golly.
Their persona was in a way carried on to their public lives and eventual characters. Life imitates art.
Dean
Amadeo,
I just checked my facts. The movie was “King’s Row” pala.
Obviously, my typing skills are not Lila’s (Shahani) where her typing is as fast as her thoughts. Nakaka-ingit.
Besides, I’m not from that school along taft where typing is a graduate degree.
Dean
Dean,
Yes, interesting comparison. I suppose Mr. Reagan had Nancy to keep him in line; love of a strong, good woman does wonders for the character, after 10 pm especially.
Regards,
Joe
In 1987, Ronald Reagan, after denying it ever happened, finally apologized to the American people for the arms-for-hostages deal with Iran.
He said, “A few months ago, I told the American people I did not trade arms for hostages. My heart and my best intentions still tell me that’s true, but the facts and evidence tell me it is not.”
Yes Dutch was a smoothie. He could talk out of both sides of his mouth and the American people loved him for it.
Because he always did it with a smile.